You Are My Thought Life

This is love past the confines of fantasy
I cant dream your extravagance on my best day
But you are my dream come true on my darkest night
Even as you love me at my worst

Endurance finds patience and mercy is key to bringing out the best in me
And you're my inspiration to keep on going
In the moments I wanted to quit on my own
God sustained me for knowing I would find you

And you're the light at the end of the tunnel
Ever brighter as love proves to be the death of me
Where selfishness takes its last breath
Every day I die to be resurrected in light of you

I am a broken seed reborn in the soil of our small beginnings
Consumed by thoughts of you and a lifetime too short to count them
You outshine the stars and outlast the light of day
It's as if I've died and gone to heaven only to realize heaven is you...

The Defects of Persective

Hear me out, not in word
But what actions interpret
When love is multilingual
Of gift, deed, and touch

Translations searching
In the dialect that resounds
Truest to you
Full time efforts to make a living
And keep the ship afloat
When it’s sink or set sail
But the helm is feral as the fires of hell

Tame me with silence
Till every word tells true
It’s everything I have to offer
When the currency of the heart is blood
And every beat is time placing bid on us

I'll place the highest I can
When vows pledge a life
Yet every breath shortchanges priceless
Oh that I could be but a glimpse of what you mean to me
And loving you deeper than you've been hurt
Would tip the scales in your eyes to reaffirm self worth

When you and I are the same
In the defects of perspective
The only lack we know is in what we see
And if it's any indication of how much I love you
Than find confidence in knowing the way I feel about you
Is just as true as the way you feel about me...

Pulsing Floorboards

Should I spare you the details of my humanity?
Or is love most beautifully displayed when it hurts
Accused of boundaries compromised
I'll take sides against me when my eyes prosecute

Love is on trial by fire in the cases made against my heart
When integrity comes into question on the premise of bad apples
Where even sweet is bitter when fear goes to war with trust
I'll give you no reason to doubt me and leave nothing in the dark

For accountability's sake
As I clear my conscience and pry corpses from beneath the pulsing floorboards
Am I wrong not to preserve the illusion of being anything more than just a man?
And are we so lost to find that greatness is a myth

In the context of the ways we have been compromised
When true love is not the absence of flaw
But faithfulness despite ugly tendencies

What am I first to be the convict of?
Whether evidence finds me guilty of capability
Or the love that disarms me
And the mistakes I'll never make on account of my devotion to you...

There’s No Such Thing As A Lost Cause

I lost my words in the erasures
Shed the weight of heaviness
With dead skin like the shell of a former heart
Walls dismantled by the lungs of a new born cry
Children are the milestones of letting dead dogs lie

Hope resurrected in the eyes of innocence
Fresh vision on the shores of youthful tides
Learning how to dream again
If the test of love is time, the young come to our aid to cheat death
And reinvigorate the passion to remind us why we breathe

Finding purpose all over again
Do we raise the children or do they raise the dead?
As we bury the skeletons of yesterday and resurrect our dreams
Our hearts are a shackle worth bearing
Anchored to desire

I found harbor in a new hope that gives life meaning
We are a reoccurring lifetime with hand-me-down wisdom's to impart
Forging our way through the wilderness
Making home in a place of desperation

Contending onward till we conceive the offspring of our efforts
No cause is lost if there is a fool to fight for it
I guess we're just compatible fools willing to fight for each other...

Beyond Pretense

worn out, the withdrawals of another life
bitterness finds his hands take from you
bearing the joy and the burden of love and wreckage
pouring ourselves into the mold of us

finding the balance between desire and compromise
no one is selfish we are all just broken lovers learning how to love
launching beyond pretense and preconceived ideas
I love you for you are and not who you think I want you to be
you're worth every sacrifice to me

don’t stop breathing and pass away with yesterday
when you've got the rest of your life to live
love was never about changing anyone
just accepting ourselves
and becoming who we never knew we were

it's safe to say I never knew who I was until I fell in love
only then I discovered me when I found you...

Legacy

Humble beginnings finds us here
Legacies born in the eyes of the young
We run parallel races
Side by side, separate and together

Destiny's in collision
Forging bonds and bloodlines
What is another's offspring
But the foreshadowing of our own
More than just a house we're building
Blueprints in our hearts for home

Love makes all the difference
Salvaging what's left of the dying breed
Bearing the burdens of beauty and sacrifice
We are the mothers and fathers of the next generation in need
For love we wage our wars, for the future we die, for the future we bleed
Rehabilitating humanity, praises in the cries of the unborn seed

Conceived of desire
Our dreams come alive in the pulse of infancy
Expectant to an end began, the ongoing story foretold of intimacy
Learning what it means to tie knots and extend family ties
The light of our dawning day, where vision begins is where darkness dies

Laying off the former torments of counterfeited love
And the horrors of trusts betrayed
Another chance to get it right
A legacy remade...

Redeemed

Road blocks on my journey
Seeking to utter something to convey
All I've yet to learn about love
More than just something beautiful I say

Face to face I confront the affliction
Of everything that swells inside
When you are broken I am broken
Even before ceremony you are my bride

One flesh, every moment reaffirms connection
Courting towards a date to make conviction true
My heart conflicted by its ways
Reborn in light of loving you

Pure sacrifice in the making
From crooked origins redeemed
I craved you before I touched you
You are the one of whom I dreamed

Threaded of the divine
Knit into the fabric of the Son
Whether chosen or prearranged by God
To me you are the one...

Faith In 2020 (Part 2)

when did healing ever come
by way of guilt tripping the wounded
and who's wrong and who is right
unbridled desire, un-tamable fire
and I cant help but want you

yet craving is poison
when reduced to a fix
and I speak love on the lips
of a counterfeit

oh I am the beam in my own eye
obstructions of divinities view
and I cant see God quite so clearly
when loving the unseen
is in the way I feel I fail to love you

I choke on my own tongue
my fountain of conviction and indecision
calibrate a way towards destiny
as I utter detours to pit falls

can we salvage the journey
and love conquer the death in my heart
as I shed the weight of my flesh
everyday I am the burden I crucify
life is its own sacrifice to survive
and you're the only reason that I'm still alive

hope to regulate the heartbeat
when a life with you is a life worth living
I don’t want to wake up from a dream come true
lest reality comes with blindsides
and I'm lost for the words that cost me you

scale my heart against yours, I fail to compare
don’t give up, no matter how hard it gets
I'll always be, will you be...there?

Faith In 2020 (Part 1)

oh duality of passions
love is in the fight as much the embrace
when every disagreement says I care
and we'll come to terms with it
realizing how much so

when lives are in the balance
somewhere between chance
and meant to be
forging legacies together
part 1 of our journey towards a lifetime

if only foresight was 20/20
and we could perfect clarity in a year
calibrating dreams and vision
till reality bears some semblance to
a more beautiful way to breathe

it took 12 years to come full circle
and find someone I never knew I knew
if I knew then what I know now
I wouldn't have waited to fall in love with you...

Broken Butterfly (Part 2)

brittle wings in a twister
obstructing flight from a to b
thrown off track
reflecting on you
coming to terms with me

in light of you
these parallels I see
haunted by desire
this is where I want to be
settled within unpredictability

the adventure of you
I journey into the depths
separately together
reform, redefine, identity...

Broken Butterfly

what is love
but the slow and steady ruin
of the ideals of romance
intimacy begins
where fantasy dies
acquiring a taste

beyond the way it feels
but the choice to remain
relationship is both
the pain of pleasure
and the joy of pain

abandon reason
we are fools committed to fools
I feel lost when I am found
in the disillusionment of us
and rediscovery finds
to know anyone
is the disenchantment of perfection

for the excitement of
the beautifully flawed
like symmetry gets hazy in the details
butterfly disaffection
temporal glories fade for familiarity

what will keep us in the end
but the will to say I do
in the moments it's hardest to
when love is not a matter of falling
but a choice made afresh every day
you are not forgotten
or expendable
despite what the actions
of a former life may say...

Beyond Me

underestimation of a short changed heart
starting over, make true every word, till death do us part
restore the years stolen by a liars love
learning to lead as I live by example the truth I speak of

set up as a new hope for a second chance to get it right
by your side I'll stand, never again alone, your heart's worth the fight

transparent am I giving way as I emulate true loves guiding light
a new days horizon dawns, conflagration of a shadow haunted mind
the stars foretell of the end of night
as sight returns to the eyes of the formerly blind

blood behind your self-perception has tainted the view
if only you could see what I see when I look at you
trading the scars of the afflicted for the healers holes in hand
oh I that would be graced to love you in ways, more than just a man...

Alloy Heart

put my heart in words
every beat speaks your name
as you become my pulse
when love is death
I come alive on the other side
of the end of me

counting moments to memories
these our days of small beginnings
reservations made to make vows
speaking the echo
reinforcing confidence derived
affirming in time
it's not enough to say I love you

apart from the ways that say it every day
I'm an alloy being refined
extracting impurity from a heart of gold
oh that you would know your face
as I see it

till it reflects your beauty back to you
when lovely isn't something
you’re waiting to become
but the very essence of who you are...

Priceless Eyes

i was found
cast away and drowning in a sea of time
I missed you before we met
it took 29 years for my life to begin
as if my lungs never understood
the purpose of a breath
until I was breathing for you

as if we survive to sustain waiting
till life rewards the efforts of staying alive
I was no one till I was yours
and love gave me an identity
never seen till I was revealed in light of you
am I worth my weight in the way you look at me
as I live up to the value your heart bestows on me

appraised by priceless eyes
learning to decipher what you see
knowing my every flaw
and like the grace of God, still
you love me...

An Aunt Is A Mother Too (Dog Mom 3)

 

 

Reflecting once again

The scars that don’t speak for themselves

The unseen ache of what no one sees

The silent tug at the heart

No children to speak of but for our fur babies

Nevertheless an aunt in a lot of ways is like a mother too

And I know you love Khash as if he was our own as much as he loves me and you

You’ve so much affection to give and are just as fit to be what a mother should be

When I think of the ways you work hard for you and me

You’re a caregiver and homemaker in your own way

And deserve just as much to be remembered on Mother’s Day

I know of the past and the children you might have had

And how you can relate to others that may have miscarried

You’ve said at times you wish we could have biological children

But I knew what I was getting into when we got married

I love you so much and I wouldn’t have it any other way

I honestly couldn’t imagine raising kids in the world as it is today

Though others have suggested we might adopt

We both have our reasons for why we do not

Because it gives us our freedom to pursue other things and give each other all that we can

Even though at times I’ve let things get in the way as I learn how to be a husband and a better man

Your resilience bears such stark resemblance to my mom

In that you fight for us at all cost

And even as she said you were the daughter she never had

I know she’d be proud of you too

She raised me by her example of a good woman

To guide me in my love life

To find someone like you

Thank you for being all that you are and bearing with me through all we’ve endured

Happy Mother’s Day, love forever and for always, in action more than just in word…

Dog Mom 2

 

 

As children they are to us

With our affections set

More than just our dogs

More than just a pet

Loyalty wrapped in fur

Stubborn and stingy yet sweet

And I wonder if these are our daughters

Why does one of them lick our feet?

Yet no less we brave the task

As puppy parents we clean up the mess

And all I can say as I pick up the crap

Is that we are truly blessed

Though it seems when I compare the way

As children are our dogs in how they play

Yet not so much when I think

Would I allow my child to chew my socks or put up with the stink?

Even so as I jest

Perhaps they are more human than I give them credit for

When as we feed, groom, and water them

We overspend our budget at the grocery store

Yet what's more motherly than to think

Of the ways you nurture them

In place of those we cannot have as our own

We miss out on nothing

Our dogs complete our family

And make our dwelling place feel

A little more like home

Happy Dog Mom day

One of the truest mothers of two

I can't imagine life without them

Because they are just another part of you...

Beautiful By Association

 

 
Where do I begin again
When the words don't come like they use to
After the thought of all we've yet
And have already gone through

Instrumental in the orchestration
I found myself when I fell in love with you
This life is what we make of it in what we do

More than passing, making meaning of every moment
You are my pulse and life support

Feeling our way around in the dark
Despite all that lays claim to be our loves cessation
Everything is better when I'm with you
Everything is beautiful by association

Gardener, tending to the seasons of my soul
Green thumb and thimble, knit into the scenery
Heart heist, given to the same that stole
Love and cross threads lined within the tapestry

We pride not ourselves in our wounds but in our healing
Despite the ways that sorrow boasts, we glory not in the pain
Cause the sun outshines the darkest nights
And cleansing comes by way of hopes bloodstain

Love stories in the romance of redemption
You are God's personal expression to me of grace
For all the things I've done that aim to squander us
Fade-less are my vows when I look upon your face

More than an image I behold but something that I know
No matter how many times I've fallen, you'll never let me go
A thousand apologies and guilty pleas when I think of all I've done
Mercy extended to reinvest in the best of me after just year one

My vows won't end at words alone
When actions are the best way to amend
Death powerless to separate divine uniting

In your eyes is where I find my home
As I savor every moment with my God send
When you are my reason to keep on fighting

Finding myself when I get lost with you
Beyond touch or just a feeling or sensation
In this world where death lives and darkness prevails
All of this is an illusion when life is beautiful by association

I breathe and you make it all worthwhile
When all this world harbors is matchless to the wonder of your smile...

Effortlessly

 

I dream beside you of you
Sleeping in anticipation of waking up
Arms like resurrection
I am both sedated and yet moved by you

Every word is an understatement
In my vain attempt to appraise priceless
Heart like a home custom made
As I am the tenant of your soul
Steward of the invaluable possession of God

You are the light in the hope of a new day
Dawning on me every morning
You out rise the sun
If pain is weakness leaving the body
Then your tears shed the weight of grief

Every drop like a seed planted in the soil of my heart
As I speak a word to bloom bouquets of poetry
Displayed in memoirs like vases of my soul

You rob the pages of my self-expression
As you take up residence in my mind
And heist my affections
Reinforcing heartstrings weaved like a common thread
On the loom of our backbones entwined

You find reassurance in me yet are the stint of my hopes
Knit into the common fabric of our faith materialized
As you become the evidence of God to me
You are a beauty unaware of yourself in modesty
Shortchanged and overlooked by the world

If all it takes is one person’s absence to feel entirely alone
Surely you are more than enough to slight the odds
In the sure bets placed on remaking home
Words are fleeting or meaningful as the actions that back them
On a scale of truth to counterfeit you are a fade-less oath
Withstanding the test of time

Reciprocating every notion of love requited
You are a touch unparalleled with fingerprints left on my heart
Engraved like the signature of your hand unmatched
I cannot help but feel the way I do about you
As you provoke passion in me by nature

I bask in your light and shadows
Praying I am as much a joy to you as you are to me
Interchanging nightlight comforts as we radiate

Burning away the pain of yesterday with midnight oils ignited
I remain beside you equally as speechless in the face of knowing why
You’re a masterpiece naming me priceless while self-shortsighted
Loving you comes naturally and I hardly have to try…

Revision

 

 
At a loss for thoughts I speak
Where words proceed
Uttering past mind from the heart
Yet no less stones like pebbles
Fall into oceans
Ripples make waves of the impact
Ebbing and flowing
You break like water eroding the shoreline
And I restructure to adapt

Pull me out from amidst something abstract
Back to a more certain view
I muse upon the frustration and the beauty
Learning to translate the riddle that is you

Significance on the terms of what you mean to me
And what I mean to you that competes with the past
The pain only ever fed the crave
And we’ve worked up appetites for truth

Indulging on the affections found in each other’s arms
Cathartic embrace of these hands
Finding healing in reconstructive heart surgery
A new flesh comprised of two and fused into one
Extracting the residue of the former
Love reborn from the throes of a miscarried vow
Blind eyes reopen find vision, the future begins now

I know a love that never fails
Foundations laid on a cross we bare
The joy set before was enough to endure the nails
Offspring of divine Love, adoptions of grace, we heir

The death of the Son transcribed the “will” of God
As we inherit the priceless assets of destiny
Redraft our contracts like maps to recourse wandering
Like the first steps of redemption

Second chances given at the end of prodigal squandering
Blood for the ashes of the past
The dead weight became the compost
And the same we bury in the graveyard of memory
Is re-purposed to be laid in the foundation of a new beginning

Tending to the garden, the structures of our hopes
Roses blossom from cracks like scars in concrete
Broken by the roots we crawl out from the wreckage of our pride
True beauty prevails over the superficial endorsements of our own vain achievements
As the Author of our faith revises us…

Till Death, Till Forever

 

Hopeless romance whispers
The beautiful allure of fantasy
Competing with imagination
All that is expected of me

Tied up back and forth
I'm not here to cast you for the role of perfect
Just the perfect one for me

Caught up in in-congruent orbits
Searching for the balance in all things
Going out of my way
Lost in space
I catch your atmosphere

An unseen pull formulates the bond
As you draw me closer to you
From the outskirts of beyond
Connections deeper than the skin
Something resonates from within

Finding the harmony
From disjointed efforts of self-fulfillment
Criticized to customize
Stubborn wills wrestle till we compromise

Come back into view
What you mean to me is what I mean to you
Nothing in the world is worth us
There is no marvel like you and I

The question is less the way that we embellish
But what is left when the noise dies down
What does my voice say to you when I am silent?
Words in the absence as we become a cause to believe in

Don't doubt the idealization of all that love can be
Training through moments and adaptation
Learning the process
Vows spoken prior to ceremony

Every test makes us who we are
Expressing sentiments of second nature
Priceless and sold short, all I have is my every breath
Your heart is a jewel I would be a fool to squander
You are a part of me even beyond the dues of death...

Attached At The Heart

I am canvas to your every stroke

As you paint murals in shades of contrast
When love is the test and the reward
And if a lifetime is what it takes to show you
Then you’re worth every breath I pledge to afford
With a racing heart and a vapor moment
Days pass like seconds but I live

In the everlasting memory of you
Awakening on the inside to realize my desire
I catch wind of your essence
You set my heart ablaze and now I’m panting fire
Igniting the brush of loneliness incinerated in your arms
This is passion, you’re my happiness
And I’m caught in the hex of your unrelenting charms
Cast spells of a lover’s enchantment
Awestruck and living captivated by beautiful
You leave me both satisfied and wanting more

I die and live in your eyes all at once
As former things dissipate, and I’m consumed
I can’t help but get stuck on you
As I trail off into the wanderlust of your mind
Like an unsung wonder of a world gone blind
Everything in time, upset perspective
Reality coming into alignment with my dream come true
You are my pulse as I come alive in your arms
There’s no such thing as miles between us when my hearts with you…

Till Fairy Tales Come True

 My body aches for you on this side of silence

And the test of the last words spoken
Praying it won't be the last words spoken
As doctrines of fear preach to my anxiety
Yet I starve my will to panic with patience
Where self-sacrifice and the death of impulse
Is learning what it means to love
But it keeps me up when I worry
I've said something wrong
And I'm tossed between certainty
Or the head games I play on myself
For worst anticipations of fragile connections
And the time that stands between us

Reading your mind or too far into things
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt
And kill my own to reinforce my backbone
As my heart finds the courage
To know when to speak or say nothing at all
Hit and miss between perfect moments
And human idiosyncrasies that threaten them
Yet in the end sometimes it's a beautiful let down
That makes it mean the most when we try

Passion comes naturally
And we can't force the seasons
We can only bask in the light
As our spirits learn to be the beam
Established on foundations of trust
Even as we wear the path in the wilderness
And learn to maneuver the terrain
It's the best of you in hopes of the best of me
And vice versa that will sustain

Because even upon departures
The thought of you remains
Making reservations for future anticipations
And knowing you're only hours away
As I learn to breathe on the respirator of a memory
Like life support and the great escape from comatose
Realizing the meaning of life to me is you
Next to Christ, you're an angel given care of heaven
To remind me, this is not the end
And for every lost home patterned after giving up
We will reverse the trend

As the same time that works against us
Is for our benefit to let doubts die
And find reassurance knowing our hearts fit together
As we bear mutual scars of feelings of abandonment
Yet we heal together as our hearts beat as one
Here in each other’s arms and we sync the rhythm
Despite palpitations, turbulence, and skipped beats
As we practice intimacy till, we realize perfect love
And fear is cast out at the thought of each other
Secured by embrace and finding confidence in knowing
Our love won't fail

Because if God is love
And the wisdom of love is to be a fool
Than I'll fool myself and make believe in us
Till fairy tales come true
As I learn to tame the beast in me
And trust in the collateral beauty that is you....

The Perfect Way To Die

Taking it slow as time feels like teasing
When in truth it’s all for seasons of just right
Working on my perfect swing
And finding the pace
That makes it all come together at the right time

My heart is captured and without escape
Locked inside this prison of sublime
And it’s my pleasure to find myself hostage
To the promise of a thousand I love you’s
To find home in hearts conjoined in renovation
We are together in this at the mercy of our affections

Like suicide bombers we burn within the wreckage
With combustible euphoria and the radiation builds
Effectually exuding from our hearts
And impacting everything we touch
We burn the world down and make it our own
You are the cadence of a perfect love song
With words that set the beat
And actions composed by faithfulness
As we speak to chart a course for destiny

You are the sun and I bask in the rays of your beauty
My heart blossoms and I present to you the nectar of my affection
Love me more and it’s multiplied back to you
As we gamble on returns and the game is fixed to always find
We trade roles back and forth as dealer and placed bets
As we lose our pride, and win each other’s hearts

Cultivating confidence in love
I am the tide at the shorelines of your heart
Finding harmony in light of the moon
I want to die dancing with you…

Life Support

 

Vape pen breaths for euphoria
As I take hits off your lips
Front stage
A passenger audience to car ride karaoke
Care free singing your favorite songs as you become mine
Harmonizing with the melody of memory
The little things, the sentiments of

Your favorite candy that encapsulates the essence
That is the sweetness of you
Reese’s pieces cups and midnight cuddling
You are the sun beaming warm rays on a summer night
Like a personal glow with a lantern heart, my night light

I slowly drift off into dreams of perfection
And reawaken in the arms of paradise
While I fight to sustain an everlasting moment
And die in your arms living a perfect moment with you

I only have a way with words because you've got a way with my heart
And I'm inspired to write your brilliance in my best attempts
To serenade beautiful
And yet I'm making understatements of an angel
As words translate to becoming
And reality is recalibrated setting course for a dream come true…

Lifelong Godsend

How do I begin to utter love
Yet beyond what I say
My promise is only as true as what is done

When vows are more than words
But a script whereby I pledge my life
As every day I learn to tell you that you are the one
And how proud I am to call you my wife

To have and yet not to abuse or control
To hold as touch is to the surface
That which the heart is to the soul

An impenetrable embrace unencumbered by circumstances
Made sure by our better days and tried true in the face of the worst
You are the one that my life romances

Through days of night wearied of physical and emotion sickness
To the kinder tides of health
I love and will continue to love and cherish you
Even at the cost of myself
As every moment is a lesson in love's reply
Let my life be the evidence of my love for you
And your soul's beauty be the evidence why

Through prosperous times and in scarcity
Let our hearts be enriched of our bonds
Spoken and set in integrity's stone
To outlive brokenness and breathe beyond
Every whispering lie that threatens to find us alone

I will be yours for always and forever
In the good and through the wreckage of despair
Our love will remain
And when life hurts the most I will be there

To love and to honor you, faithful to the end
Just as you are to me, I pray that I'd be
Worthy of being called your lover and closest friend
Your lifelong counterpart and ever-enduring Godsend...